Snow Day

I never thought I would ever get a snow day again since not being in school. But today is the day I get to stay home. Meterologist's are predicting the area where we live may get 6-10 inches of snow before 11pm tonight. It is suppose to snow all day long. My office wants us to stay home and only go out for emergencies. We are all working from home and hoping there are no emergencies we have to attend to. I am finishing paperwork, organizing my blackberry, getting ready for next week and making phone calls all in the comfort of my pajamas. I am glad I don't have to go out in this weather. I will enjoy this time of being home and catch up on some work.

One Year Ago

It was one year ago today that my grandmother died from complications related to her Alzheimers Disease. I cannot believe it has been one year. I do miss her but glad she is no longer suffering from her disease. She did not know who we were or where she as. She wasn't the grandmother that use to lock Scott and I out of the house when we were kids because we kept going in and out of the house. I miss her cooking and she was one of the most giving person I know. And today is also my mother's birthday and I am sad she is reminded of this day not of her birthday but of her mother's death. We miss you Grandma Mississippi and thank you for your life, the things you taught us and your love.

If Only I Could Be Off Longer

I work for an incredible company that gives us the 24th and 25th off. Of coarse there is someone oncall but we don't all have to work and get paid for it. I should have 4 days off, but instead only 3. One of the weekend oncall ladies is off and I volunteered to work from 8am Saturday to 8am Sunday. I am was dreading to work for her because I really wanted the 4 days off, but thought it would be good for me to help. There are times when I needed her and she came through for me, so I thought I would do the same for her. So I worked Saturday for 10 hours and then Sunday for 4. Luckily all this money is overtime. I will certainly be enjoying the next paycheck. My friend Karrie said it will be good karma for me to do it. We will see.

Now I have the next three days off and can't wait to spend the time with my hubby. This will be the first time in our marriage where neither of us had to work either Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I can't believe that. But we did pick professions that is available 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Our time these three days will be spent with family and friends. Tonight a friend is coming over for dinner and Nick is going to a Colorado Avalanche game (club level seats) and I will be relaxing at home. Tomorrow Nick and I will be making cookies and then going to my aunt Laurie's to play games and be together as a family. Then Christmas Day will be spent with Nick's family. His cousin Tim is back from Iraq and we have not seen him or his wife for almost a year. These next three days will be awesome and then we go back to work Wednesday :(. That's ok. Just three working days, then the weekend, then work New Years Eve and have New Years Day off. I don't think schedule is bad at all.

My New Toy

I am so excited to start learning my new Adobe Photoshop CS3. I got it in the mail a couple days ago and now just waiting for Nick to help me install it on our computer. My uncle knows people who knew how to get the photoshop for very cheap. Let's just say I didn't have to spend anywhere close to $650 for the program. I didn't realize what I was getting until I did more research. I would have been happy with Photoshop Elements but I hear this system does so much more than Elements. I will be purchasing books to guide me through this monstrocity of a system. I can't wait to start practicing and printing enhanced pictures. Thank you so much to my aunt and uncle for getting me this system. I am so grateful and can't wait to start learning.

Gift Giving

Nick and I were eating dinner last night and I asked what he wanted for Christmas. I didn't know if there was something specific he wanted. He has the foosball table which was to be his Birthday/Christmas gift but I wanted him to have something to open Christmas Day from me. He said he didn't know. We decided a couple weeks ago that we would fill eachother's stocking and only spend $20. Which means we would need to be very creative. He said let's just fill the stockings for our presents to eachother. Nick and I have never been big into gifts. We were when we were first dating because that is what you do your first year. But since then gifts has not been big for us. Sometimes we get creative, but we really don't expect anything from eachother for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. My friends have made comments on how weird that was. Nick and I laughed about how we enjoy the time we are together and not the gift. We do buy eachother things during the year that we want, but never have we surprised eachother with an expensive gift in the 8 years that we have been together. My friend Amy asked me last week what I was getting for Nick and when I told her I didn't know she looked at me funny. Gifts are not important to us. Maybe it takes too much thinking and money. Nick said we have the gifts from family to open and that is enough. Are we weird or what?

Reminders

Today at Devin's Memorial I learned more about Devin I never knew. Things he did as a child, his beliefs and thoughts. He was very ambitious and passionate about everything he did. But most of things they talked about I already knew. He would always put everyone before him and his needs. He would make sure you were fine before he was. Even when he didn't have money he made sure you always had a good time, but when you offered to pay for him he would refuse. He will be missed dearly by many people. Please continue to pray for his family. They were strong enough to share stories of Devin and their thoughts on his life, but miss the person that was the center of their lives. There is a bible verse that reminds me of Devin and something I long to strive for. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interest of others." Phillipians 2:3-4. If only he could have known he could take care of his needs and the needs of others. It doesn't have to be one or the other. There is a healthy balance.

The Month of December

I realized yesterday that the month of December has really been hard these past couple years for me. Last year I was very ill and thought I would never work again and my grandmother died December 26. Now losing a friend in December this year has really made this month hard for me. I love Christmas and won't let these losses ruin it, but it is a depressing month for me.

We are still in shock and can't believe Devin is gone. Now looking back at the past couple weeks there were signs of his suicide. He closed many doors to friendships and appeared to be well. None of us know if we could have stopped him. We continually wonder what we could have done different or how we could have intervened. His family is coping the best they can and are grateful we were in his life and are taking this just as hard. We were Devin's work family and we feel like we have lost a brother. Devin didn't know what to do with the love we were all giving him. Our love was never enough.

Nick is gone this week and I am realizing his timing is impecable when I need him. When he went to Utah earlier this year without me I had one of the hardest deaths I had ever dealt with happen and he wasn't close to support me. Now he is gone to Utah again and I just lost a friend. I know I told him to go and meant it. If I truly needed him I would have asked him to stay. I have such great friends to support me when he is gone. Nick will be coming home the night of Devin's funeral and I think I will really need him then. Nick is my rock. Now that I don't live close to my family I am really relying on Nick for strength and support. My friends have been wonderful and so supportive. Thank you Amy for letting me come over and vent last night and watch girly movies. You don't know how much that meant to me. We are making cookies tonight and doing things Devin loved. We will be drinking his favorite drink and watching his favorite movie.

I am praying to God continually to help me through this time and remove the pain and anger. I pray for his family and their loss too.

Things are so serreal

I really don't know what to say but today what I experienced is surreal. I wished it had never happened and I can wake up tomorrow and things will be back to normal. Today at work I was notified that a good friend of mine from work died Tuesday night. He was only 31. He had just turned 31 on Friday. Death was his choice not his health. I have never been more angry and sad at the same time. When we all found out we were shocked, stunned, mad, sad, hurt, and felt betrayed. This is the first time in my life when I have had someone close to me commit suicide. I would have to say it is one of the most selfish acts anyone can do. There are so many people grieving about his loss and not having him in our lives anymore. We thought things were going so well, weren't we wrong.

We didn't work after finding out. We just held eachother, cried, laughed, and I was mother hen. I cried at first but then became the strong one to help other people. A group of us went to another friends work to tell him before the word had gotten out into the community. Nursing home communities are very small in Denver and we didn't want him finding out by anyone but us. I of coarse was the strong one and held everyone's hand and grieved with them holding my tears and grief in. As soon as I got home the tears started flowing. Nick contemplated not going to Utah to stay home with me, but I insisted he go. I will be busy this weekend making Christmas cookies with friends and staying busy.

I just cannot believe he is gone. I am sad I may never see him again. He had been dealt a very difficult hand in his life and made some very bad choices. He was such a great nurse. He loved caring for other people. We will all miss him dearly and cannot believe he is gone. Please be praying for his family and friends of his. Everyone is having a hard time with this. It is so much to process because so many questions are unanswered and may never be answered.

I cannot believe he won't be with us Saturday to make cookies. That we won't be going out together anymore. That man could make us all laugh. He had such a big heart but wouldn't let anyone love him. We are all thinking what could we have done differently, but none of us could save him. He knew how much we loved him and that wasn't enough. His mother said she has been trying to save him all his life and she failed. We all feel like we failed.

Boy am I tired

I am exhausted from yesterday. I cleaned, ran errands and went shopping before getting ready for the party. We had Chinese takeout with the Boskovich's and then got dolled up for the party. The party was so much fun. I met more of Nick's coworkers and their wives. It was such a fun time of dancing and drinking. We all just hung out and visited. So, we got to the party around 730pm and didn't leave until 0130am. Nick had figured out his limit of Vodka Tonic's and needed his rest so we left. Which I wasn't too happy about. There were still plenty of people there dancing and having a great time. We didn't get home until 200am and I of coarse was awake at 0730. I am living off less than 5 hours a sleep and have no desire to do anything. Nick is still resting. He isn't feeling so hot and probably won't for the rest of the day. So with him sleeping this is the perfect opportunity for me to watch my girly movies. I am thinking about Sweet Home Alabama and How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. I haven't seen them in a while. Nick wanted to go to the mall and grocery shop today. That may have to wait.

Finally...

Well, I think I am 95% over my last illness. I was able to work all day yesterday. Well, I really only saw 2 patients and spent the rest of the day at the office doing paperwork and making phonecalls. I still have some nausea and tiredness. I am finally feeling hungry but not able to eat as much as I like. My stomach is still sensitive and bland foods work the best for me right now.

I am glad I am feeling better for tonight because we have been waiting for this night for a long time. We are going with a group of friends to a birthday party. This is guy is turning 35 and is throwing this huge party. It is at an event center. There will be appetizers and cash bar. Not to mention it is formal attire. The guys are to wear tuxedos, but have opted to wear suits and girls in fancy dresses. Nick and I haven't dressed up like this since we were first married. We are getting Chinese takeout, getting ready like high school prom and then going to the party to party the night away. Can't wait. I am sure I will have awesome pictures and stories to share later :)

I HATE BEING SICK!!!!!

Well starting wednesday morning around 100am I suddenly had the worst onset of nausea I have ever had. I wanted to get some crackers and water but was afraid I wouldn't make it down stairs. I woke Nick up and he graciously went down stairs to get crackers and water. Then the nausea seemed to subside but then I developed really bad muscle aches throughout my entire body. I could feel it starting in my back and worked it's way over my entire body. It hurt to move my toes and brush my hair. I had to wake Nick up again and to get me some ibuprofen. It took about 30 minutes for the Ibuprofen to kick in and I was able to go back to sleep. When I woke up around 0730 that's when the real fun began. I started vomitting and had diarrhea, with the muscle aches. Needless to say I spent the day on the couch eating little and drinking only small sips of water. I was able to eat a little chicken and rice soup. The worst part of all this was the pain. I had a consistent fever of 100.5-101 and the ibuprofen was not bringing down the fever. I had to worst aches I have ever had. My joints were killing me. I had a hard time repositioning myself. I would take 800mg of Ibuprofen and it would only work for 4 hours and I had to wait another 4 hours before I could take another dose. I finally took some muscle relaxers, but that didn't work very long either. Poor Nick was massaging my legs and back because that is where majority of the pain was. I slept off and on during the day. I just felt so drained.

I slept for about 11 hours last night and the pain is decreasing. I still hurt in my joints, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. Still running a fever and the nausea hasn't gone away. So this is day 2 of staying home from work and I hope I can go to work tomorrow. I will continue to baby myself and hopefully can eat more than just 10 crackers and 32 oz of water. Nick was wonderful and brought me some Chai tea from Starbucks and Tylenol when he came home from work this morning. There are some nasty virus's going through the nursing homes and I was one of the lucky people to contract it. I am praying Nick doesn't catch this. He is washing his hands alot and we of coarse are not sharing anything. I hope this will be over soon.

Happy Thanksgiving

Well, all I have to say is, "I MADE IT". I am so glad this week is finally over. Yesterday wasn't too bad for me, but the poor north nurse I was working with was so busy. I was taking alot of her calls and made a visit to a patient for her. I was lucky and only had 2 calls that day and night and I think she had 8 or 9 plus the 5 people she had to see. Now I am just going to relax today and no I am not going shopping today.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I really want to reflect on what I am so thankful for. First of all I am so thankful to have such a wonderful and caring husband. He is my whole world and I love him so deeply. I am thankful for my family and Nick's family. They have been there for us during very hard times. I am thankful for our wonderful friends. Our friends from work has really gotten us through all the crap that has gone on this year. It would have been very hard to go through what we have been through without them. I think for the first time in our marriage we have couples that are truly our friends. It's not that I am closer to the wife or he is closer to the husband. I really feel we are equally friends and so supportive of eachother. I am especially thankful that it was this time last year when I really starting to get sick and contemplating leaving nursing. At this time I was so sick to my stomach and ached so bad and no one knew what was wrong with me. Come to find out it was stress. I praise God I don't have those symptoms any more and I am healthy. I don't know what we would have done if I had gotten worse and couldn't work. I continually praise God for what he did for me and will never forget it.

Emotional roller coaster

Well, I would have to say this week hasn't been the funnest week of my life. Work ended up not being as bad as I had expected. I am exhausted and in need of a break. There were a couple of my patients not seen, but that was ok because they are pretty stable right now. I still have alot of charting to do and other things to catch up on. This will be an excellent check for overtime. Now I just have to look forward to working tomorrow and then being off for 3 days. Boy i can't wait.

The emotional roller coaster for me started on monday. Hearing about Nick's mother in the ER and not being there to help was hard on Nick and I. We really want to be there for them during these times and to be far from them makes it hard. I am glad my mother was able to help out with Granny and everything is working itself out. I thank God they were able to find out what was wrong with her and fix it without any complications.

Then, there is Nick. He loves his job as a cop and I support him fully in his career. I know there are huge risks with being a cop and the job can be very dangerous, but you don't really think about it until you have to face it. There was an officer involved shooting at his work where the officer was shot. When we heard the news my heart sank. We didn't know who it was, how hurt they were or if they were dead. I thank God the officer was only shot in the leg and didn't need to be hospitalized, but this incident put things in perspective for me. Especially about how this could have been him. This is one of my biggest fears that this will happen to him. But it comes with the job unfortunately. I have and will always support Nick in his career. He loves his job and we have such good friends. I couldn't ask for anything more. I am always praying that God will protect him. We always have fights settled before he goes to work. Even if it is settling it on the phone on his way to work. I make sure I kiss him every time he leaves. I don't know why I do these things. I guess I never want to have to live with regrets. Nick has picked the perfect career for his personality and goals in life. He is such a great officer and many people at his department thinks so.

Sorry for the babbling. I am tired and ready for bed and it is only 7pm. This week has been alot for me between work and my personal life. What can I do but just face it.

The calm before the storm

I am not looking forward to next week at all. I hope this weekend drags so I can enjoy this relaxation before I have to go back to work. Well, one would think that Thanksgiving is next week, what is so bad about that. Thanksgiving won't be so relaxing because I am scheduled to work that day. Luckily I have Friday off so I will have a 3 day weekend to relax. What will not be fun is monday through wednesday. See, we will have 2 nurses off next week. Which means there will be at least 24 patients that will need to be seen my me, another nurse and our manager. Oh did I mention that we are to see our own patients on top of that. That means I will have to see 20 patients instead of 14. And to see that many patients when you have 5 days is not bad, but when you have only 3 that makes things very complicated. I am venting right now. I am sure the week will go just fine and I will look back and think that wasn't so bad. But just the thought makes me nervous. On top of having to see at least 20 patients next week, I on-call monday and wednesday night and then work all day Thanksgiving until Friday morning. I just keep thinking that the money will be well worth it. I will keep people posted if I survived the work week. I am planning to start the day a couple hours earlier than I normally do and work late. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Halloween, Bee Movie and Utah

This last week has been very good. Things at work are great and at home things are great. Things are starting to settle a little so Nick and I can relax at home. Last Sunday we went to an awesome Halloween Party. Our friends Bos and Tiff hold an incredible party every year. Everyone had to dress up in costumes and just have fun. We were dressed up as a socket and plug. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of our costumes. I am hoping some of our friends have pictures. We didn't get home until 1am and I had to be at work at 0800. Needless to say, I was very tired.

Yesterday me and a couple friends from work went to see the "Bee Movie" and then out to dinner. It was so funny and cute. Jerry Seinfeld did an excellent job. There were many very funny parts. It is such a cute movie to see with kids or if you are wanting to see a light hearted movie. I don't need to see it again in the theaters but certainly I will rent for Nick to see. Tonight we are going with our friends Jason and Amy to dinner and another movie. We are going to see Rendition or American Gangster. I can't remember.

And this Thursday night I am going home for the weekend. I am going out to see my friends baby and family. I know I just saw my parents a month ago, but it is always good to go home. Can't wait for Thursday night.

A relaxing day

Today was a very relaxing day for me. I didn't have get up early to run errands. I was able to do things at my own pace. I had to finish up some things from work and that took a little while. Then I did the budget, paid bills, cleaned the house and kitchen and took pictures of our puppies. I haven't had time to experiement with my camera these past couple weeks and today was a great opportunity. I am also thinking of ideas for our christmas card this year. I hope you enjoy the slide show. I had alot of fun taking these pictures. By the end of the day the dogs would ignore me anytime I had my camera. I think they were tired of having something pointing at them all the time.

Am I ready for winter?

Well, we had our first snow storm of the season and it made me wonder if I am really ready for winter. Thanksgiving will be here in a month and then Christmas. Time is flying way too fast. I remember complaining how hot it was this summer and couldn't wait for winter. Now winter is almost here and I am questioning if I really wanted winter. I have loved the fall weather, but am I really ready for winter. Frankly I don't have a choice. Nick and I have chosen to live in a place where winter occurs. I have grown up with the season my whole life, but it is always so shocking to my system. I don't have much padding so when I get cold, it is bone cold. What I do love about winter is Christmas, how pretty everything looks when it snows and always bundling up in a blanket drinking hot cocoa and watching Christmas movies with my hubby. When I complain about winter is when I have to go out in it. Being a hospice nurse I spend alot of time in and out of my car. Out of a warm car, into the cold weather, into a warm building, back out into the cold weather and then into a cold car. Man, I am cold just saying all this. Well, we will see how this season goes. Hopefully we won't get 3 feet of snow like we did last year. I hear that only happens about every 3-5 years.

Life is catching up to me

I never realized how tired I was until I got home this afternoon. I feel like I have hit a wall emotionally and physically. Things have been so crazy these past 3 weeks I can't stand it. Well, it all started when my family was out here. It was so fun to see them and be with them. I was able to spend good time with my brother, grandparents and aunts and uncles. It was semi relaxing, but what a good time to see everyone.

Then the next weekend Nick's parents were in town. They came out so Nick and his Dad could go to the Chargers vs Bronco's game at Invesco. Well, at the same time the family decided it was time for Nick's grandmother (ken's mother) to move to Utah. Nick's brother and sister flew down there to bring Granny to Utah. What we thought may be easy ended being one of the hardest thing I have ever seen. It was so hard being so far away. Nick's siblings were in San Diego and the rest of us were in Colorado. There was so much emotion, stress, fear, and uncertainty. Needless to say we were able to get Granny to Utah very creatively. Jeremy and Jill did an awesome job. They worked so well together and as a family we tried all we could to support eachother. The stress hasn't stopped because now the stress is how are going to get her things up to Utah, sell her home, get power of attorney and tell her that she is permanently staying in Utah. Her dementia is worsening and she is no longer safe to live at home independently. Also, Ken is having his knees replaced next month. They have so much going on too. It is very hard for Nick and I to not be in utah during this time. Not being there for his family. We were going to try to get to San Diego next week, but we can't. Emotionally and physically we cannot do it right now. Maybe the end of November, we will see.

On top of all this there has been things that has come up at Nick's job that has just added alot more stress. Nick may have to change his work schedule and avoid a certain officer. This was something we thought we wouldn't have to deal with and now we do. We were not ready for it, but are coping. Luckily we have such awesome friends that are helping us through all this. They have been such encouragers and supporters that we couldn't thank enough. The wives have been there for me and are encouraging me and supporting me through all this.

Right now I can't think. I have been up in Vail at a 2 day hospice conference. You would think being away from home, not working and enjoying my time in Vail would be enough. It wasn't. I have information overload. At this two day conference I have learned so much that I don't know if I can remember everything. My company paid for my room at the Marriott, paid for meals and also paying me to be at this conference. I also have great friends at work and we were all there at the conference, so that made things even better.

Now I am home and finished with all the visitors and traveling. I can get back to my normal routine and relax. I feel like I haven't been home in forever. I know God is helping us through all this and giving us wisdom and support. God is placing people in our lives to help support and encourage us. God is giving Ken and Suzy the wisdom and strength to deal with granny. I believe everything will come together. I trust that everything will come together.

The Destoyer

I had to go buy dog food so I thought it would be fun to buy the dogs a new toy. Since Halloween is coming I would buy them this cute stuff pumpkin and raw hides. Well, as soon as I got the new toy home Bruno had the eyes pulled off and was working on the top piece. Bruno and Lucy did not like the raw hide, only Rusty. He would not leave his raw hide until it was completely finished. When ever the dogs went over to him, he would growl and move. That is something I had never seen. So, Nick tried taking the raw hide away and Rusty didn't care. Then after Rusty finished the raw hide, he moved his way to the pumpkin and completely destroyed it. He managed to get all the stuffing out and then start tearing the outside to pieces. That toy managed to stay whole for maybe 3 hours. So, from now on the dogs will only get small treats and small raw hides. Here is proof.

More Pictures of fall

While Nick was sleeping I thought I would go around the moutains and take some more fall pictures. I found a gorgeous drive on Deer Canyon Rd. There were tons of bikers on the road so I knew it had to be pretty.

Pictures from Breckinridge and First signs of fall

I am so excited for the fall to finally be here. There will be cooler temperatures and gorgeous scenery as the leaves change. This is the sign of winter coming and I love winter. Here are some pictures from our trip to Breckinridge over Labor Day and the leaves starting change from our backyard.

A night of partying

A group of us from work wanted to go out and have some fun. Someone suggested going to SingSing. This bar is in downtown Denver and within walking distance from the lightrail. This bar was awesome. SingSing is piano bar where there are two grand pianos and these incredible piano players playing songs and entertaining a huge crowd. They take requests and embarrass people relentlessly. You never want to go there for a special occasion or your birthday because they will embarrass you. We sang, drank and danced for a very long time. Even if you can't sing or dance, it doesn't matter, you fit in. And the drink prices were incredible. We got bucket sized long island ice teas for only $12.00, and they were not skimping on the alcohol. By the end of the night my voice was hoarse from yelling and singing so loud. This will be a place I will go again if Nick and I are wanting to have fun. Even if you don't drink, watching and singing is fun also.

Our trip to San Diego

Nick and I went to San Diego to visit his grandmother. We had a wonderful and relaxing time. I think it was the most relaxing trip I have ever been on. We went to the beach several times, saw the San Diego zoo and just hung out around town. Nick and I decided we loved La Jolla and the next time we were there we would spend much more time there. Here are some pictures of our adventures and me experimenting with my camera.

My new lens

Back in March I purchased a Sony A100. It is a DSLR and I am having so much fun with it. I am really looking more into photography as being a career some day. I will always be a nurse, but maybe nursing part-time. Right now I am taking pictures whereever I go and reading tons of books and magazines to help better my skill. I know I have many years to go, but I love taking pictures. I purchased yesterday a Quantanray 70-300mm lens. I currently have 18-70mm which I love and does great landscapes and regular photography, but I was wanting to start taking more telephoto shots and macro. I was just playing with it today and here are some shots I took with my new lens.

New to Blogging

This is my first blog. I really don't know what to say other than hi and I will be writing more as times comes.