Snow Day

I never thought I would ever get a snow day again since not being in school. But today is the day I get to stay home. Meterologist's are predicting the area where we live may get 6-10 inches of snow before 11pm tonight. It is suppose to snow all day long. My office wants us to stay home and only go out for emergencies. We are all working from home and hoping there are no emergencies we have to attend to. I am finishing paperwork, organizing my blackberry, getting ready for next week and making phone calls all in the comfort of my pajamas. I am glad I don't have to go out in this weather. I will enjoy this time of being home and catch up on some work.

One Year Ago

It was one year ago today that my grandmother died from complications related to her Alzheimers Disease. I cannot believe it has been one year. I do miss her but glad she is no longer suffering from her disease. She did not know who we were or where she as. She wasn't the grandmother that use to lock Scott and I out of the house when we were kids because we kept going in and out of the house. I miss her cooking and she was one of the most giving person I know. And today is also my mother's birthday and I am sad she is reminded of this day not of her birthday but of her mother's death. We miss you Grandma Mississippi and thank you for your life, the things you taught us and your love.

If Only I Could Be Off Longer

I work for an incredible company that gives us the 24th and 25th off. Of coarse there is someone oncall but we don't all have to work and get paid for it. I should have 4 days off, but instead only 3. One of the weekend oncall ladies is off and I volunteered to work from 8am Saturday to 8am Sunday. I am was dreading to work for her because I really wanted the 4 days off, but thought it would be good for me to help. There are times when I needed her and she came through for me, so I thought I would do the same for her. So I worked Saturday for 10 hours and then Sunday for 4. Luckily all this money is overtime. I will certainly be enjoying the next paycheck. My friend Karrie said it will be good karma for me to do it. We will see.

Now I have the next three days off and can't wait to spend the time with my hubby. This will be the first time in our marriage where neither of us had to work either Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I can't believe that. But we did pick professions that is available 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Our time these three days will be spent with family and friends. Tonight a friend is coming over for dinner and Nick is going to a Colorado Avalanche game (club level seats) and I will be relaxing at home. Tomorrow Nick and I will be making cookies and then going to my aunt Laurie's to play games and be together as a family. Then Christmas Day will be spent with Nick's family. His cousin Tim is back from Iraq and we have not seen him or his wife for almost a year. These next three days will be awesome and then we go back to work Wednesday :(. That's ok. Just three working days, then the weekend, then work New Years Eve and have New Years Day off. I don't think schedule is bad at all.

My New Toy

I am so excited to start learning my new Adobe Photoshop CS3. I got it in the mail a couple days ago and now just waiting for Nick to help me install it on our computer. My uncle knows people who knew how to get the photoshop for very cheap. Let's just say I didn't have to spend anywhere close to $650 for the program. I didn't realize what I was getting until I did more research. I would have been happy with Photoshop Elements but I hear this system does so much more than Elements. I will be purchasing books to guide me through this monstrocity of a system. I can't wait to start practicing and printing enhanced pictures. Thank you so much to my aunt and uncle for getting me this system. I am so grateful and can't wait to start learning.

Gift Giving

Nick and I were eating dinner last night and I asked what he wanted for Christmas. I didn't know if there was something specific he wanted. He has the foosball table which was to be his Birthday/Christmas gift but I wanted him to have something to open Christmas Day from me. He said he didn't know. We decided a couple weeks ago that we would fill eachother's stocking and only spend $20. Which means we would need to be very creative. He said let's just fill the stockings for our presents to eachother. Nick and I have never been big into gifts. We were when we were first dating because that is what you do your first year. But since then gifts has not been big for us. Sometimes we get creative, but we really don't expect anything from eachother for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. My friends have made comments on how weird that was. Nick and I laughed about how we enjoy the time we are together and not the gift. We do buy eachother things during the year that we want, but never have we surprised eachother with an expensive gift in the 8 years that we have been together. My friend Amy asked me last week what I was getting for Nick and when I told her I didn't know she looked at me funny. Gifts are not important to us. Maybe it takes too much thinking and money. Nick said we have the gifts from family to open and that is enough. Are we weird or what?

Reminders

Today at Devin's Memorial I learned more about Devin I never knew. Things he did as a child, his beliefs and thoughts. He was very ambitious and passionate about everything he did. But most of things they talked about I already knew. He would always put everyone before him and his needs. He would make sure you were fine before he was. Even when he didn't have money he made sure you always had a good time, but when you offered to pay for him he would refuse. He will be missed dearly by many people. Please continue to pray for his family. They were strong enough to share stories of Devin and their thoughts on his life, but miss the person that was the center of their lives. There is a bible verse that reminds me of Devin and something I long to strive for. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interest of others." Phillipians 2:3-4. If only he could have known he could take care of his needs and the needs of others. It doesn't have to be one or the other. There is a healthy balance.

The Month of December

I realized yesterday that the month of December has really been hard these past couple years for me. Last year I was very ill and thought I would never work again and my grandmother died December 26. Now losing a friend in December this year has really made this month hard for me. I love Christmas and won't let these losses ruin it, but it is a depressing month for me.

We are still in shock and can't believe Devin is gone. Now looking back at the past couple weeks there were signs of his suicide. He closed many doors to friendships and appeared to be well. None of us know if we could have stopped him. We continually wonder what we could have done different or how we could have intervened. His family is coping the best they can and are grateful we were in his life and are taking this just as hard. We were Devin's work family and we feel like we have lost a brother. Devin didn't know what to do with the love we were all giving him. Our love was never enough.

Nick is gone this week and I am realizing his timing is impecable when I need him. When he went to Utah earlier this year without me I had one of the hardest deaths I had ever dealt with happen and he wasn't close to support me. Now he is gone to Utah again and I just lost a friend. I know I told him to go and meant it. If I truly needed him I would have asked him to stay. I have such great friends to support me when he is gone. Nick will be coming home the night of Devin's funeral and I think I will really need him then. Nick is my rock. Now that I don't live close to my family I am really relying on Nick for strength and support. My friends have been wonderful and so supportive. Thank you Amy for letting me come over and vent last night and watch girly movies. You don't know how much that meant to me. We are making cookies tonight and doing things Devin loved. We will be drinking his favorite drink and watching his favorite movie.

I am praying to God continually to help me through this time and remove the pain and anger. I pray for his family and their loss too.

Things are so serreal

I really don't know what to say but today what I experienced is surreal. I wished it had never happened and I can wake up tomorrow and things will be back to normal. Today at work I was notified that a good friend of mine from work died Tuesday night. He was only 31. He had just turned 31 on Friday. Death was his choice not his health. I have never been more angry and sad at the same time. When we all found out we were shocked, stunned, mad, sad, hurt, and felt betrayed. This is the first time in my life when I have had someone close to me commit suicide. I would have to say it is one of the most selfish acts anyone can do. There are so many people grieving about his loss and not having him in our lives anymore. We thought things were going so well, weren't we wrong.

We didn't work after finding out. We just held eachother, cried, laughed, and I was mother hen. I cried at first but then became the strong one to help other people. A group of us went to another friends work to tell him before the word had gotten out into the community. Nursing home communities are very small in Denver and we didn't want him finding out by anyone but us. I of coarse was the strong one and held everyone's hand and grieved with them holding my tears and grief in. As soon as I got home the tears started flowing. Nick contemplated not going to Utah to stay home with me, but I insisted he go. I will be busy this weekend making Christmas cookies with friends and staying busy.

I just cannot believe he is gone. I am sad I may never see him again. He had been dealt a very difficult hand in his life and made some very bad choices. He was such a great nurse. He loved caring for other people. We will all miss him dearly and cannot believe he is gone. Please be praying for his family and friends of his. Everyone is having a hard time with this. It is so much to process because so many questions are unanswered and may never be answered.

I cannot believe he won't be with us Saturday to make cookies. That we won't be going out together anymore. That man could make us all laugh. He had such a big heart but wouldn't let anyone love him. We are all thinking what could we have done differently, but none of us could save him. He knew how much we loved him and that wasn't enough. His mother said she has been trying to save him all his life and she failed. We all feel like we failed.

Boy am I tired

I am exhausted from yesterday. I cleaned, ran errands and went shopping before getting ready for the party. We had Chinese takeout with the Boskovich's and then got dolled up for the party. The party was so much fun. I met more of Nick's coworkers and their wives. It was such a fun time of dancing and drinking. We all just hung out and visited. So, we got to the party around 730pm and didn't leave until 0130am. Nick had figured out his limit of Vodka Tonic's and needed his rest so we left. Which I wasn't too happy about. There were still plenty of people there dancing and having a great time. We didn't get home until 200am and I of coarse was awake at 0730. I am living off less than 5 hours a sleep and have no desire to do anything. Nick is still resting. He isn't feeling so hot and probably won't for the rest of the day. So with him sleeping this is the perfect opportunity for me to watch my girly movies. I am thinking about Sweet Home Alabama and How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. I haven't seen them in a while. Nick wanted to go to the mall and grocery shop today. That may have to wait.

Finally...

Well, I think I am 95% over my last illness. I was able to work all day yesterday. Well, I really only saw 2 patients and spent the rest of the day at the office doing paperwork and making phonecalls. I still have some nausea and tiredness. I am finally feeling hungry but not able to eat as much as I like. My stomach is still sensitive and bland foods work the best for me right now.

I am glad I am feeling better for tonight because we have been waiting for this night for a long time. We are going with a group of friends to a birthday party. This is guy is turning 35 and is throwing this huge party. It is at an event center. There will be appetizers and cash bar. Not to mention it is formal attire. The guys are to wear tuxedos, but have opted to wear suits and girls in fancy dresses. Nick and I haven't dressed up like this since we were first married. We are getting Chinese takeout, getting ready like high school prom and then going to the party to party the night away. Can't wait. I am sure I will have awesome pictures and stories to share later :)